Summer Book Club 1: Reflections on Anger & Overwhelm

Hello, Book Club friends. How is everyone enjoying Introverted Mom so far? I want to quickly summarize my biggest takeaways from Part One (Ch. 1-3) before we jump into Part Two.

Surprised by Anger

As I mentioned in our Facebook discussion, I never thought of myself as an angry or out of control person until I experienced the stress and overwhelm of motherhood. I’m six years into my parenting journey and just starting to get a handle on losing my temper when I’m frustrated or overwhelmed.

Martin helps me better understand that anger is my mental and nervous system response to feeling overwhelmed and out of control. But just because anger is a natural response doesn’t mean it’s a right response.

“Anger is an indicator to pause or change something.”

Jamie C. Martin

If anger is my natural response to stress, I need to learn how to better manage stress and overwhelm in the first place. Self-care is far from selfish; it’s essential in order for me to properly care for my children.

So, what do I need to do to stay calm and controlled when I’m mentally or physically overwhelmed?

Know and Humbly Accept My Limitations

Some moms can deal with more noise, activity, and stress than I can; that’s great–but it doesn’t change the way God made me. I need to recognize where the edge of my personality is and not try to push beyond it on a regular basis.

Create Margin For My Limitations and Makeup

Knowing that I can’t deal with stress and noise nonstop, I need to find ways to create pockets of quiet and calm throughout my days. A few ways I personally practice this are as simple as:

  • Getting up before the kids when possible.
  • Requiring an hour of quiet time for my kids each afternoon (while my daughter naps and my very talkative son plays independently. This is when I do almost all of my writing).
  • Dad typically takes over with the kids after dinner while I clean the kitchen and reset the house for the next day.
  • A hot shower at the end of the day.

It doesn’t have to be an elaborate spa day; just some consistent pockets of reprieve to decompress before I jump back in. Martin says of needing this margin that:

“We can lament this fact or view it as a gift. Regardless, it is a necessity, and if we neglect it, every person in our home will pay the price.”

Jamie C. Martin

There’s a lot of freedom in simply accepting my limitations and who God created me to be.

I Was Never Meant to Be Enough

It’s easy for moms to believe we need to care for everyone and everything all the time. That’s simply not true. While God created mommas with an incredible capacity to love and care for others, he never meant for us to do so in our own strength. Martin lays it out in a simple equation:

God’s Grace + My Weakness = ENOUGH

God works in and through my weakness; not in spite of it. He knows I can’t do this job alone–and he’s not asking me to. What a relief!

Louisa May Alcott

I really enjoyed digging into the life of Louisa May Alcott. I think it’s easy to feel like introversion is a weakness or disadvantage. But it’s encouraging to see how other introverts used their unique personalities and abilities to accomplish exactly what they were made to do.

Maybe You Can Help…

Even with all I learned from Part One, I walked away with one big question on my mind: How do I, as an introverted mom of littles, find quiet time to spend with the Lord?

Even though I try to get up ahead of my kids, it’s all I can do to make a cup of coffee and rush through breakfast before they’re pattering down the stairs ready for another day. And once the noise and busyness of a day begins, I find it nearly impossible to meet with the Lord in a meaningful way. Yes, I still read my Bible. Yes, I throw out short and desperate prayers throughout the day. But it’s not the refreshing, life-giving meeting with the Lord I really need each day.

Any thoughts? What do you do?

Well, that sums up Part One for me. What were your favorite parts or biggest takeaways from the first three chapters?

I’m looking forward to digging into Part Two and the life of L.M. Montgomery together. And if you happen to be new here and would like to jump in, definitely do so! You can see this post for the full rundown and be sure to like and follow along on Facebook for the full conversation.

See you back here in a couple weeks, friends!

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The Stories That Carried Me Through Quarantine

Massachusetts, like many other states, is just beginning to dip its toes into reopening. Life doesn’t feel normal but more like “the new normal” everyone keeps talking about.

As I begin to ease back into life outside the walls of our home, I want to stop first and reflect on the wonderful stories that helped carry me through this strange season.

None of us knew what we were getting into when life shut down in March. But days added up to weeks and weeks added up to months — months — spent separated from people and normal activity. Looking back on it, all I can think now is, “What would I have done without words?”

Words and stories carried me through these months alone. And most of all, audible stories read aloud. While I love curling up in the corner with a good book, that’s hard to often do. But I can find countless pockets in my day to listen to a story being read — while I fold laundry, get ready for the day, or wash dishes. And though I might only be able to listen for a few minutes at a time here and there, it adds up.

These are the words and stories I read (or listened to) over the last three months — maybe you will find a story waiting for you too.

Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst

Rating: 4 out of 5.

“How dangerous it is when our souls are gasping for God but we’re too distracted flirting with the world to notice”

Lysa Terkeurst

This is the first book I’ve read by TerKeurst and I really enjoyed it. She does a wonderful job digging into rejection, loneliness, turmoil in relationships, and finding your identity in Christ. I learned a lot about mistakes in friendship in particular.

Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst

Rating: 3 out of 5.

“I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control.”

Lysa Terkeurst

I enjoyed Uninvited so much I decided to dig right into another TerKeurst book. And while it was still good, I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as the first one. I had to make myself finish it.

Different by Sally and Nathan Clarkson

Rating: 5 out of 5.

“We have to learn to lean into life as something beautiful even if it is not exactly what we expected. Trusting that God works all things together for the good despite the challenges we face is a gift of worship we give to God. Acceptance with humility must eventually come to each of us if we are to please God and not always fight against the limitations of our own family pattern.”

Sally Clarkson

This book was a game changer for me. I couldn’t put it down and looked forward to every minute I could dig a little deeper into this heartfelt story. This is the first book I’ve ever read of its kind — addressing mental illness from a Christian perspective. I love that Sally and Nathan tell their story together and that they are both so incredibly honest and vulnerable. I’ve read books by Sally before but have a totally different respect for her after reading this one. I have a whole blog post planned for this book at some point. Highly recommend.

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

Rating: 5 out of 5.

“Faces change with life’s toll, but eyes remain a window to what was.”

Delia Owens

This book is absolutely masterful. The detail and intricacy with which Owens writes reminds me of Doerr’s All the Light We Cannot See. This story will be rolling around in my mind for a long time. There are some rather explicit parts, if that bothers you. But I highly recommend it and hope Owens writes more novels in the future.

What are you reading? Were there any stories that helped you pass the time these past few months?

If you’re looking for something to read, don’t forget to join our summer book club starting June 1st. We’ll be digging into Introverted Mom together and would love to have you read along with us!

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Announcing // A Summer Book Club

Last summer I joined in on an online book club hosted by Joy Clarkson. It was so much fun connecting with others through conversation about a common book. So, I thought it would be fun to do something similar here this summer. Starting June 1st, I’ll be hosting an online book club reading through Introverted Mom by Jamie C. Martin.

I chose this book because, well, I am an introverted mom and I know plenty of other introverted moms too. I’m starting to understand that some of the things I struggle with the most in motherhood (overwhelm, anxiety, anger) have a lot to do with my personality and the way I process the world around me. Martin digs into all of this and more and I’m so looking forward to learning from her own story.

Your personality is no accident. In fact, you already have every trait you need to be the best unique mother for your unique kids.

Jamie C. Martin

The book is divided into four sections of three chapters each. With each section, Martin digs into the life of an introverted female author from the past (Louisa May Alcott, L. M. Montgomery, Jane Austen, and Laura Ingalls Wilder). As all four of these women are already some of my favorite writers, I’m looking forward to what I might learn from them as well.

Schedule & What to Expect

While we won’t be starting until June 1st, I wanted to give you time to get a copy of the book. Shipping is slow right now, so don’t hesitate! You can always follow along to an audio version as well.

Here’s the approximate schedule we’ll be following — one section (three chapters) every two weeks for eight weeks.

June 1st-14th: Part 1 // Chapters 1-3


June 15th-28th: Part 2 // Chapters 4-6


June 29th-July 12th: Part 3 // Chapters 7-9


July 13th-26th: Part 4 // Chapters 10-12

After each section (every two weeks), I’ll share a blog post with my thoughts and observations from the chapters covered. I’ll also be posting a little more frequently on The Wheat Princess Facebook page so make sure to follow along there as well. I’d absolutely love to hear your thoughts and reactions as we read so make sure to comment here and on the Facebook posts as well. A book “club” is no fun unless we’re doing it together haha 🙂

Haberdashery

  • You don’t have to sign up for the book club. Just grab a copy of the book and read along with us.
  • Don’t worry if you can’t keep up with the exact schedule. I was always about a chapter behind on the book club I joined last year and it was no big deal.
  • You don’t have to comment, but I’d definitely love to hear from you if you’d like to!

That’s about it. I look forward to reading and learning together. See you on June 1st!

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The Upside-Down Kingdom of a Seed

We have a spare room in our house, and typically, it’s in use. But these aren’t typical days. So instead of company, my spare room is housing a different sort of guest. At present, the room is a greenhouse to a motley crew of herb, tomato, and pepper plants. It’s a sunny nook and I think my little plants are quite happy sleeping in it.

The peppers had me well convinced they were dead — to the point I almost stopped watering them. But, perhaps sensing their own demise, they popped through the soil just in time. And, because I am the kind of person who lets seedlings sleep in her guest room, it may come as no surprise that I keep thinking about those peppers and all they might teach me. . . .

Read the full post at From the Ravens

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The Seedling Society Newsletter

Today, I sent out the very first Seedling Society Newsletter — a monthly, seasonally inspired newsletter for my Wheat Princess email subscribers.

Each month I’ll share a story, original haiku, and something seasonal to read, try, and do. The May issue is focused on spring, Mother’s Day, and cultivating the place and time we’re in (and yes, that includes this crazy quarantine time!).

I chose to call it The Seedling Society with the belief that planting seeds, even the smallest seeds, may grow great things. This blog is all about putting down roots and growing slow; The Seedling Society is all about planting those first seeds.

Here’s a sneak peek at the first issue:

Not signed up? No problem 🙂 This will only go out via email so make sure to scroll to the bottom of the blog and enter your email. In addition, you’ll never miss a new Wheat Princess post — win, win 🙂

Here’s to planting seeds and growing new things.

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Concerning Necessities

Central Massachusetts

My husband and I sat in a small apartment in Florence. Across from us sat Luca, from whom we were renting the apartment for the week. Together, we followed his fingers across a map of the city as he showed us where to go and what to do.

The apartment was fully furnished and, according to our new Italian friend, stocked with all the necessities. Once alone, Darren and I surveyed the kitchen cabinets to see if we should pick anything up while we were out. The kitchen was indeed stocked with all the Italian necessities — espresso, moka pot, olive oil, salt & pepper; we laughed. How very different we Americans are in our idea of necessities.

I confess though, the Italians are on to something. I bought a moka pot after that trip and still use it nearly every day to brew espresso for my morning coffee. And I’ve learned that the proper foundation of almost any meal comes back to good olive oil and freshly ground salt and pepper — necessities indeed.

Memories of Via Maggio and the busy Florentine streets

As the world turns on its head amid COVID-19, we are collectively learning what’s essential. What do we need to keep the fridge and pantry stocked? What merits a trip to the store? And what can we live without (though we might not have believed so before)?

As I spend these long days of quarantine at home with my littles, we’re learning together how to transform these essentials into the magical stuff of life. With just flour, eggs, and water — we make pasta. Add salt and yeast and you have bread. Stir in a cup of sugar and you have delectable treats.

With this view, truly, what more could you need?

The smell of yeasty dough rising, the taste of fresh pasta melting in my mouth — all of it carries my heart back to Italy. And I’m reminded again of what’s truly essential.

We can learn a lot from Italy about what really matters. The love of family. Taking time to really be with people — be it at a café, around the table sharing a long, slow meal, or walking with your neighbors for la passeggiata (a leisurely evening stroll). Italians know how to be together, how to slow down, and how to truly soak up la dolce vita. All things we westerners seem to be struggling with right now.

Obviously during social distancing, we can’t exactly gather extended family around the table, meet friends at a café, or go for a walk with neighbors. But we can use this time to draw a little closer to the people in our own homes.

I’m as ready as anyone to get out of the house, TRUST ME. But I know too that this time has a lot to teach me. After all, I was never the bread-baking, pasta-making type until I was locked at home indefinitely. I’m learning to slow down, to be present, to stop scrolling and distracting, and to simply be with the people within these walls.

And I hope when this is all over, that I’ll remember what truly matters — what’s essential. I hope my family continues to linger a little longer at the table, I hope we savor the foods we learned to make. I hope I listen better when I meet a friend for coffee and walk a little slower, just for pleasure, when I’m free to move about.

And I hope I make it back to Italy, where all these lessons first traced themselves upon my heart.

La famiglia è la patria del cuore

The family is the home of the heart.

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Thoughts on Being Alone During a Lockdown

Central Massachusetts

This is a strange situation we find ourselves in, isn’t it? At the beginning of March, my family took a trip to Florida. We arrived home ten days later and the world seemed to be upside down. I remember going to the grocery store to restock our fridge and pantry, thinking I’d be doing my usual weekly trip. Instead, I was met with empty shelves and an eerie sense of anxiety all around me. Our church services were cancelled that week and school postponed for two weeks shortly thereafter.

Not So Bad

Apart from not attending church and the empty shelves, nothing felt all that different at first. I’m a stay-at-home mom, so I’m home most of the time anyway. We’re homeschooling this year, so again, nothing changed for us there. My husband is still working (which I’m immensely thankful for and do not take for granted). So overall, our normal day-to-day routine moved along just the same, minus a few outings I’d normally take.

Feeling the Weight

Four weeks in though, and this doesn’t feel so routine anymore. My husband has seasons when he works a lot of overtime. And that happens to be the case right now. So, instead of his usual 10 or 12 hours away each day, he’s sometimes gone 15 hours in a day or has to work on a day when he’s normally off.

Again, I’m really thankful he’s still working. I know this isn’t the case for so many right now and it’s a very stressful, uncertain situation. But it’s hard spending so many hours at home with young children during the same season when my husband is gone more than ever.

I’m sure this is the case for many families right now with someone essential working. I can only imagine how many hours health workers, grocery store staff, delivery drivers, and many others are gone from home right now. I think too of the singles and single parents who are spending so many hours alone in this season.

How to Get Through

This seems to be a hard season for everyone depending on how it hits them. For some, there’s the fear and heartache of sickness and loss brought by the virus. For others, there’s the stress of losing work or of trying to work from home. There’s an upheaval with schooling kids from home and the disappointment of not finishing the school year as imagined. Weddings and events are canceled. And for me and many like me, there’s just so many hours home alone missing our people.

As the toll of this isolation settles in, I realize I need to find ways to make it work. So, here are a few of the things that are helping me better manage the days and hours alone; maybe it will be a help or encouragement to you too:

  • Try Something New

Life at home with two little kids is pretty routine. We click through the days and hours around an unwritten schedule of meals and naptimes, school and chores, errands and outings. But with all the extra hours at home, I realize we’re going to need something new here and there to mix things up.

I always wanted to learn to bake bread and make homemade pasta — so that’s exactly what we did. The bread was pretty awful but the fabulous pasta made up for it haha. And regardless, it gives the kids and I something fun to try together.

  • Get Outside

I always have so many yard projects in the back of my mind that I never quite get to. Thankfully, this period of being home coincides with the weather warming up. My kids and I are taking full advantage of any nice weather we get and working away outside. I planted indoor seedlings for the first time this year and I’m excited to transplant them into the garden soon.

  • Get Dressed

I try to get dressed every day anyway, but I find myself getting a little more dressed up on these long days at home. It’s nice to feel put together and it does a lot for my mood just to put on mascara and get dressed like I might see someone… even though I won’t. Mind games, I guess 🙂

  • Connect Virtually

I’m not one for sharing selfies or virtual stories. But I find this long separation from the faces I love is breaking that barrier. It does my soul good to see faces and hear voices through video chats and connecting virtually.

I also find listening to audio books helps. It’s nice to hear another person’s voice on the other side of a story rather than just curling up with a book “by myself.”

  • Let Go

Since we’re out of our routine anyway, I find it easier to let go and have fun with certain things. Like on the nights when my husband works extra late, the kids and I have a little dinner party/movie night in the living room rather than eating at the table like we normally do.

We also like to make cookies together for a special end of the day treat (or late night treat for me after the kids are in bed!). These aren’t normal times and it helps to let some of the normal rules and routines slide a bit. Let it go and have some fun.

  • Look Around

It seems like a lot of people in my life are going through other really challenging situations in addition to Covid-19. I’ve had friends diagnosed with illness and others give birth under incredibly challenging circumstances. Some friends are out of work and others have lost loved ones to the very virus we’re all running from.

These long days alone give me more time to pray over things or to simply carry on a longer conversation with a friend who’s hurting. Looking up and around certainly helps keep things in perspective for me.

Alone But Not Alone

It’s easy in circumstances like these to feel completely cut off and alone. But we’re not. Though we can’t be together like we normally are, we are together in this. I’m encouraged by those who’ve called to check on us, picked stuff up at the store, dropped off my favorite coffee (!), and lots of other little acts of kindness that remind me I’m not doing this alone. These strange days look different for everyone, but we’ll get through them together — and be together in a special way on the other side.

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Entangled: A Guest Post on From the Ravens

I had the opportunity to share this guest post on the lovely blog From the Ravens. I hope it’s an encouragement. And be sure to check out all of Amy’s beautiful writing as well!

. . .

I sit here tapping out these words to the sound of rain and thunder. Yet another whisper of spring nipping at the skirts of winter. Spring never hurries to New England. But it is this same scarcity that lures me outside at even the slightest invitation. Daffodils push through the sod — they must be inspected. Birds singing in the morning light — they must have something to show me. So, we pull on mud boots and jackets, my littles and I, and find our way outside to inspect every seemingly lost corner of our kingdom. 

We walk around the yard and garden marveling that everything is still here, just as we left it before the cloak of cold and snow hid it away. And it doesn’t take long before I see all the work to do. Leaves to rake, garden beds to prep, and those vines. I could cuss about the vines. . . .

Read the full post here

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A Soft Answer Goes a Long Way

Central Massachusetts

Last night, as I put my five-year-old son to bed, he told me he’d had a good day. I agreed, it’d been a good day. He went on to tell me that every day his heart is broken but today was a good day because he saw my joy and wanted to follow my joy. He was watching me and doing what I was doing.

I was gutted.

He wasn’t praising me for being a wonderful, joyful mom. He was noting that my joy is the exception and it stood out to him. He had a good day because I wasn’t grumpy, short, and irritable as I often am. I had consciously been far more patient, gentle, and kind with my kids than is the norm. He noticed and followed my lead.

My last post was on December 30th; six full weeks ago. I wrote about surrender. About how surrender is my word for the year as I learn to let go and lean into the uncertain. I was worried about that word, remember? Risky business. But I went with it anyway.

Enter New Year’s Eve — Darren and both kids are recovering from the flu, I’m coming down with the flu. You know, the flu that’s running for president and has knocked on every door in America? Yes, that flu. I’d already made big plans for The Shiny New Year because that’s what I do. I filled out my goal planner and day planner and all of the sub planners. And then I started The Shiny New Year flat on my back with two not-sick children climbing on me whilst I died slowly.

We lived (but the flu lost my vote).

Everything would be ok now. Onward. Huzzah. Etc.

Darren jumps off something, lands wrong, sprains his foot. ER. Crutches. Etc.

It’s fine. Everything is fine. Only we have head colds now and fevers that won’t go away. You see the pattern here, right?

I’ve been struggling in this (not so shiny) new year to get on my feet. Truth be told, if I’ve surrendered to anything, it’s giving up. For months now, one or the other kid has been waking during the night. Then the kid who slept gets up early. This all sounds like an endless string of complaints, I know. But what I’m struggling with the most in all of it is that I can’t seem to get ahead of my kids enough to meet with the Lord. And when I can’t meet with the Lord, everything else seems to crumble. I can’t do it. I can’t catch my breath or hold my tongue. I can’t meet all the needs and demands.

So I gave up. I stopped trying. I told the Lord that if he wouldn’t help me have the time I need with him, then I was going to stay in bed. Might as well be as rested as possible. I did this for weeks — sleeping as late as I could and not even trying to get up and meet with the Lord. The kids will just wake up as soon as my feet hit the ground anyway so why try?

It didn’t work, of course. If things crumble when I try to meet with the Lord but can’t, they ignite and burn when I don’t try at all.

We’ve had months of hard. Months of tears and frustration and fighting. And yesterday, I finally hit a wall. I decided to get up and pray because I needed help too much to not at least show up and see what happens. I made coffee and slipped quietly to my chair in the living room — waiting all the while for the patter of little feet down the stairs; they didn’t come. For the first time in a long time, I prayed — I cried tears and cried out to God. I abandoned my stubborn stance and asked for help. I surrendered.

I don’t like typing any of this. It’s really hard to tell that story about what my son said. It breaks me heart — but fortunately, it broke my will too. God answers our prayers in funny ways sometimes. This time it was by showing me myself through the eyes of a little boy who is always watching and learning. I couldn’t figure out what his problem was these last few months. Why does it have to be so endlessly hard? Then he told me about his good day and I realized maybe his problem is me.

Right after I put him to bed, I talked on the phone with my best friend (this happens maybe twice a year). I got really honest about how hard things have been and how much I’m struggling. I told her I haven’t really prayed for weeks and I’m frustrated with God for not making it easier. It wasn’t pretty.

But you know what she said? It’s going to be ok. She reminded me that I love my children and the Lord — and they all know that. She pointed out that I get up every day and try again and that’s worth something. She put this hard season in perspective simply by reminding me that it is in fact a season. When she could have corrected and condemned, she instead came beside me and lifted me up.

Both these conversations with my son and friend show me something — a soft word goes a long way. A soft word with my kids when I’m frustrated and overwhelmed softens their hearts in turn. A soft word to a friend who feels like a failure gives the courage to try again. Our words have life and death in them. How thankful I am for hard words from my son, gentle words from my friend, and the endless love of God through it all.

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I Surrender

Central Massachusetts

2019 is going down in flames over here at the Andrews’ house. Honestly, the last eight weeks have been a slow burn. It figures though, because I chose a word for the upcoming year and that word is surrender. I knew in my gut that was an iffy word to run with — because I might just be tested on how serious I am about it and whether or not I’m really willing to surrender.

And by surrender, I mean let go, take my hands off, rest, trust, move forward one step at a time with just the little bit of light we have for putting one foot in front of the other. It means I don’t get to have a perfect plan or absolute control as I would like. It means trusting the heart of my Abba Father when he sometimes feels every bit as far away as heaven is from earth. Surrender means keeping a soft heart and open arms when hard things happen and nothing makes sense anymore. I’m not good at any of this.

I like yes and no answers. Black and white are my favorite colors — no shades of gray or uncertainty muddying the already too-deep waters. But that isn’t how this chapter of the story is unfolding.

So as the last couple days of this year and decade come to a close, I’m just going to write it down as an Ebenezer for future days — that yes, I surrender.

I surrender knowing the answers.

I surrender seeing the path ahead.

I surrender my time, energy, and resources.

I surrender the fruit of my labor — or the lack thereof.

I surrender the people I love and the work only God can do in them.

I surrender being in control.

I trust that God not only knows, but knows better. That he loves me and wants to do good things — in his way and time. So when I stumble and forget in the days ahead, when I want to keep a death grip on the fraying threads, God help me to remember that I surrender 2020 to you. You’ve got this. You’ve got me. And knowing that, I can confidently take that first step out into the dark. Someday, I’ll see those steps from the other side, the chapter in context to the whole book. . . until then.

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