Central Massachusetts
.png)
The Good and the Bad
One thing I love about social media is the opportunity to watch and glean from women who are more mature than me in their faith. I’ve learned so much from both older women and women my own age who know and love the Lord well. But on the flip side, one of the things I struggle with the most is feeling a little isolated or left behind in my spiritual growth. And by spiritual growth, I mean my understanding of the Bible and the fruit in my life of living out what I believe.
Sometimes, it looks like everyone else grew up in Sunday School, in happy homes, ever knowing the Bible, the prayers, the liturgies and routines of a perfectly executed faith. Having this firm foundation, they grow into effortlessly godly wives and mothers who know just exactly how to bring up children, run a home, and nurture a healthy marriage all while staying involved in ministry.
A Different Story
This is not a criticism, though I realize it likely sounds like one. Truly, I’m thankful for these women. I’m thankful for the healthy seeds planted and grown in their lives from childhood. I benefit from the wisdom and practical know-how born in their lives out of a godly heritage. After all, I want this very thing for my own children. I hope they are people who grow up in a healthy home with deep spiritual roots from their earliest days.
But what if that isn’t your story? What if, like me, you found yourself a mother with a babe in your arms and not a clue what to do? What if you’re already married before you realize how deeply spiritual and important such a union is? What if you’re trying to grow into a faith that ever feels two sizes too big and just out of reach?
This is where I struggle.
One of These Things Is Not Like the Others
In sixth grade, I found myself transplanted from a small country church to a large church in the heart of the city. Everyone seemed to have it together. Good jobs. Nice cars. Happy families. It was like being a Christian was just second nature; everyone knew what to say and do. Everyone except me. I’d hear a theological term and feel silly for not understanding what was apparently obvious. I’d do something foolish and feel all eyes on me for not already knowing better. I was learning like crazy but never could quite seem to catch up. But by high school, I had grown into this foreign environment. I knew the walk and talk and was very involved at church.
Dark Clouds, Deep Roots
I was content with the state of my faith for years without change. I assumed all was fine and well right up until it wasn’t. You see, eventually I married and had a baby. And babies change everything. For the first time in my life I was really and truly responsible for someone else — and I had no idea what to do. Not just spiritually, but practically as well. How to discipline and instruct a willful, angry toddler? No blessed idea. How to be patient, kind, and self-controlled with little sleep and a crying baby? That’s hard to do if you haven’t already cultivated the fruit of patience, kindness, and self-control in your life. I was up to my neck before I ever realized how desperately I needed to learn how to swim.
Turn Right at the End of the World
So I did what people often do in desperate times. I opened my Bible. For the first time in years, I knew almost every moment of every day how completely I needed God. I was drowning and that open Bible was a life raft. By God’s grace, this time of desperation grew into a time of real growth for me. No longer just learning the lingo and behavior, instead I was learning the heart and mind of God. I already knew how to act like a Christian; now I was learning to be one. I was falling in love with God and his word for the very first time.
One Foot in Front of the Other
These seeds of faith, planted in that dark, desperate soil, broke open and began to put down roots. I’ve been a mother for five years now and added another baby since. And step by step I can see how God’s word has helped me grow into this life of marriage, motherhood, and home-making. But in truth, there is only ever just enough light. I am finding my way one foot in front of the other. As a new parental challenge arises, so do my prayers for help and wisdom. I never go into a moment of motherhood just instinctively knowing how to handle it as some moms seem to.
It’s Okay to Be Different
The Bible exhorts younger women to learn from the older (Titus 2:3-5). And all believers are challenged to spur each other on in truth and love (Heb. 10:24). But the danger of watching and learning from the fruit in someone else’s life is the temptation to compare stories. Does God want me to learn from the girl who’s doing a great job raising her family? Yes. But that doesn’t necessarily mean my story will read like hers.
It’s Okay to Grow Slow
One of the things I’m learning right now is this — it’s okay to grow slow. The growth in my life over the last five years is born out of one seed planted after the other. These seeds, tended and cultivated, burst into new life one season after the other. Do I wish I had planted this spiritual garden many years prior? Definitely. How I wish I had entered marriage and motherhood with roots firmly planted in the soil of God’s Word. How much less heartache there would have been if I had known then what I do now.
But that’s not my story. And I’m learning to be okay with that. I’m learning to keep showing up every day one day at a time. To keep opening God’s Word and offering up my imperfect prayers for hope and help. And one day at a time, I know God is growing the fruit in me he desires.
God’s Promises
It’s true, I don’t feel like I belong with a lot of the moms I see on Instagram. I wish I more instinctively knew what to do in uncertain moments. But I’m thankful for the cloud of witnesses (Heb. 12:1) that I can watch and learn from even in my thirties right here in the middle of marriage and motherhood.
God’s word promises that
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Ecc. 3:11 (ESV)
And
Behold, I am making all things new.
Rev. 21:5 (ESV)
Keep Your Eyes on the Road
I encourage you, as I’m learning myself, to thank God for the women who go before us setting an example we may follow. But don’t get distracted comparing your story or growth rate to someone else. Don’t believe the lie that you don’t really belong with God’s people if you look or sound different. You may not know or understand what someone else does; that’s okay. Lean into it. Ask for help. Open God’s Word and ask him to show you his heart and mind. Pray and talk with God. Look for a godly mentor to help show you the way.
It’s okay to start right where you are, even if that feels miles behind. It’s okay to grow slow and not know or understand everything today. Go ahead and til the soil, plant the seeds and begin cultivating new life. Those seeds will send roots down and shoots up through the hard ground. And eventually, there will be fruit and a harvest. Start today and don’t be discouraged.
Where to Start
If you’re wondering where to start, I’d encourage you to open and dig into God’s Word. A book that helped me understand how to better study the Bible is “Women of the Word” by Jen Wilkin. Wilkin has an easy, relatable writing style that will help you understand how to study and know God’s Word for yourself.
Also, Sally Clarkson offers lots of encouragement and practical helps. You can find her and links to her many resources at sallyclarkson.com
During my personal quiet time with the Lord this morning God brought the word “Wheat Princess” to my mind. Yeah, that’s what I thought! Kind of a strange thing for God to bring up. But I didn’t question it…..much. I started a Google search and found your blog. I now remember reading one of your posts someone shared on Facebook. Well this piqued my interest and wondered if God had something for me here. You see, during my quiet time earlier, I was on my knees asking God again why I can’t get it together like everyone else. Why do I allow others to define what God wants me to be. So as you have guessed, I was truly blessed to “stumble” across this blog post. It’s honest, real, raw, and needs to be shared.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me, Arlene. Many of the posts I’ve shared on here are things I’ve long struggled with but am afraid to voice because of what people might think. It’s a blessing to me that it was a blessing to you!